Cancer...........

This past week I found out a friend was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The doctors have decided not to treat him with chemo but rather send him home as there is nothing they can do for him at this point.

Obviously this was not happy news.

I've known him for about 10 years and he is a good friend. When I heard the news by phone I had to just sit afterwards and reflect on our friendship, our memories made so far and certainly about life in general. I mean, did I think this friendship would last forever? Of course no relationship lasts forever. Even in the best and longest of friendships when one person dies there remains another who will feel sad. So since we know that nothing, and no relationship lasts forever in the first place why are we sad when it ends? Don't tell me that it is just natural.

Actually it sounds to me that through our evolution so far we haven't learned and accepted this basic idea so far. I mean billions of human beings have populated this planet and we still get happy and sad for the same reasons as we always have according to history.

What are my emotional options? I could:
Delve fully into celebrating the present and our friendship, after all, he might live longer than we think, knowing I'll still lose him.
Pretend this is not happening. In which case I'll still lose him.
Try to forget about him after he dies.
Try to remember him after he dies, after all the soul continues on forever.
Can I do all of the above??????????

He called me today saying he expects me to come and visit again during the week. What if he doesn't make it to the end of the week? There is some part of me that is soothed knowing that every memory of our time together has been a happy one. And giving thanks somehow alleviates much of the sadness. Somehow by saying 'thanks for the friendship Harvey' to myself I just don't feel as sad. Maybe I'll keep trying that.

Living goes on. New friendships are created. Old ones continue to be enjoyed through the recordings in my mind.


thanks for reading.